torn up inside
blogskin by babycurls
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Pain = Release
There are so many ways in which to release frustration, hurt, stress and disappointment. Some people jog, listen to music, shout, scream, go to the gym, etc.................
I know of someone who does it using a blade. Cutting himself. His forearm is full of marks. Not knowing how to release all the pent up frustration, anger and pain within him, he turns to his "best friend"(a knife) to console him.
This is what he does. Everytime before cutting himself, he sharpens the knife. He puts on music, normally metal , and uses the knife and slowly cut himself. Scraping away layer after layer of skin. Slowly the brown of his skin gives way to the white and then the glorious red. The frustration, disappointment and anger slowly gives way to pain , sweet pain....... The feelings all vanish and for a while he feels better.
Pain equals Pleasure equals Release
His friends tell him not to do it anymore. At first he is defiant. He brushes of what they have to say. Thinking to himself , " What do they know? They ain't in my shoes. How much can I tell them? What else can I do? Pain releases my anger. Pain releases my frustrations. Pain releases my disappointments and sadness. That's all I can do....."
The pain that he feels helps him to be free. Free of all his emotions and problems. Although it lasts for a short while but at least for that brief few moments he is problem free....... That is his escape from the world.
The scars on his arm, helps him to remember. Remember what happened, what caused him to make those scars. It tells him never to do it again. It's his form of reminder. A painful lesson but a lesson none the less.
People don't understand why he does what he does. Even he can't explain it. He knows he should not be hurting himself but the hurt he has received from others is far geater than any physical form of pain. The worst kind------emotional pain.
Now, cutting himself is an addiciton, coz pain becomes an addiction. A source of outlet. His way of escape.
Pain=Pleasure
Peace out.
taste the pain
8/10/2007 02:10:00 PM