torn up inside
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What a Weird Wolrd We Live In

It's funny how weird the world is. It's funny how things happen they way it does. You can never find answer to it. Its just so weird. Everything is weird. Why can't things be simple. Why must it be so fuckling hard. Why?

taste the pain
3/29/2009 01:28:00 PM


I have come to a point in my life when I feel that I need to unleash myself. Unleash myself in everything that I do.

Destroy myself in the gym. Destory myself so I can build myself up from scratch.

Work hard at work. Get back to where I was before. prove everyone wrong and then vengence will be so sweet. When they really need me, I will just tell them two words, I quit.

This job is killing me. Maknig me a shell of who I was before. No life, no friends, no one. All I wanna do is be alone. Solitude has become my friend. They vibe around me chases my friends away too.

I aint right man. I aint right

taste the pain
3/17/2009 09:54:00 AM

Fuck the world

Yesterday was quite an interesting day. I went through so many emotions. I’ve also realized some other things. I’ve cared too much for everyone. I’ve always had other people on my mind. I think of ways and things to do so that I will be able to help people and make them feel better. I have thought too much about the people around me and I have not taken the time to take care of myself. I’ve not taken the time to heal myself.

Now it’s time I do something for myself. Time for some soul searching. Time to recover, Time to heal. Time to think about myself,.. Call me whatever you want but until you have lived a day in my shoes, you will never understand what and how I feel. It’s tough.

I’ve dug a hole so deep and made a wall so high that it’s almost engulfed me. Actually it did for a while but I;m gonna climb out of this. I’m gonna stop killing myself by drinking and smoking so much. I’m gonna start hitting the gym. Gonna get back the body that I lost. Wanna start taking care of myself.

Peace out.

taste the pain
3/11/2009 09:41:00 AM

What can I do

It's funny how things happen in life. A few weeks ago, everthing seems so perfect and right. Not a worry in the world and life was so perfect. Things changes. Everything changes. Things have changed so fast. I have destroyeded everything in my life. I have destroyed my own happiness. I have destroyed your happiness.......

What am I doing? Is the decision I made correct? How will this affect me in the long run? how will this affect you? Why did I make that decision. I want you to be happy. I know I can't make you happy. What am I to do.

All I do is cause pain to whoever loves me. I have hurt my family. I have hurt you in a way that I cannot even comprehend. I will never forgive myself for that. I really do love you but right now, I am not strong enough to face you. I have lost my will and my drive for everything.

Everything that you have seen and that you have heard since that fateful day is only a cover that I am putting up.. My life is in total darkness right now and no one can and will be able to pull me out of this. I doubt that I can do it by myself as well.

I'm so sorry. i really am. I have failed you so miserably.

taste the pain
3/07/2009 02:27:00 PM

It has all started again

Time has passed so fast and we are in the 3rd month of the year. So many things have happened in that time.

Promises made, promises broken.

The worst thing that has happened is that I have lost the one person that is so important to me in my life, all becauseo f my insecurities and my phobias.

Ican't believe that I have let that happened. I can't believe that I have hurt her so much. She is so dear to me and willing to sacrifice everything that she has for me. I cant be with her cause I know that I will hurt her more. I don't wanna hurt her but all I seem to be doing is hurting her.

I am really sorry. i don't know if you still read this but if you do, I just want you to know that I love you so much and that I am really really sorry my angel.

taste the pain
3/06/2009 09:05:00 AM